No More Nice Shepard
by Romantic Pessimist
Summary: "The Collectors are about to find out what happens when you piss me off!"


She bolted out of the shuttle at the first opportunity, oblivious to her team's protests. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ she berated herself as she slammed her fist against the elevator console. _Sure, pack up the whole team into the shuttle and leave the Normandy crew defenseless! Great idea!_

The elevator slowly crawled up to the second deck and she was off again, boots pounding against the metal floor. She spared no thought to the dark stains on the floor, the overturned chairs. Her only thought, only worry was for her pilot. She had to see him, she had to know he was safe.

Her boots left dark skid marks when she suddenly halted, staring uncomprehendingly at the empty chair.

He wasn't there.

But that wasn't right! He was always there. Every time she needed to talk to someone, every time she needed a joke to lift her spirits, she could always find him in that chair.

She bolted about the CIC deck, almost knocking over Mordin's cluttered lab and Jacob's carefully arranged rifle racks. When her search delivered no results, she returned to the elevator and descended to the mess hall. Garrus was already there, staring at the overturned chow tables with an expression she guessed was sorrow. "Garrus, is anyone…"

He shook his head somberly. "No. They're gone."

Shepard trusted Garrus with her life. He was one of her closest and oldest friends. If he had told her that one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eaters were descending on the Citadel, she would grab her Cain and meet him at the airlock.

Now, when he told her that the entire crew was gone, she refused to believe it.

She dashed back to the elevator and punched the symbol for engineering, hitting the deck at a flat-out run as soon as the door opened. He had to be here somewhere; there were plenty of hiding places on the engineering deck.

Passing by one of the cargo holds, Shepard froze and back-tracked, almost falling to the floor in her haste. The hold was dark, a few crates stuffed in the back, but in the center of the room lay a scuffed ball-cap.

Joker's cap.

He would never part with his precious cap, anymore than he would part with the Normandy, or his head! She remembered snatching his cap on the original Normandy – he had chased her all across the ship, demanding that she return it.

He was gone. They had taken him.

She gently picked up the discarded cap, horror clawing at her gut. Choking back a sob, she clutched the cap to her chest. "Joker…"

Cornered him in the cargo hold and tore him away from his ship, his baby.

Footfalls pounded on the deck plating, the light of an omni-tool illuminated the hold. "Shepard! I've found her!"

After all of the horrid things they had done, destroying the first Normandy, stealing two years of her life, abducting entire colonies…the Collectors had taken Joker.

A three-fingered hand touched her shoulder, a familiar resonant voice spoke. "Shepard?"

Her head snapped up, a murderous gleam in her eye; her still-healing scars flared a malevolent red.

_Now_ she was pissed.

"Set a course for Omega 4."

* * *

Author's Notes:

Inspired by this lovely comic over here - polymorphicgirl . deviantart .com/art/Abduction-174009763 (just remove the spaces if you want to copy'n'paste)

This is, obviously, a take on how Commander Shepard might have reacted if Joker were captured right after he helped EDI…_rewire_ the Normandy, I guess would be the right term.

If any of you are curious, this particular FemShep is Addie Shepard. I just created her, spur of the moment thing (now I'll have to make a play-through for her. Sigh, more work). Anyway, she has a crush on everybody's favorite flyboy, Joker.

I may or may not add more chapters, depending on the reviews I get for this one. So if you want to see more of this, there's a little blue link down there that says "Review this story". I'm sure you've clicked on it before, what's one more click?

Mass Effect belongs to Bioware, and aren't they nice for letting me play here?


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